Jake-isms, Volume 4

I'm shocked to see how long it's been since I've posted a "Jake-ism". August of 2009 to be exact. But reading over the Jake-isms Volume 4 notes in my Blackberry, I can see that some of the topics seem to be a very long time ago (many involve the struggles of potty training, preparing Jake for the birth of his baby sister, and the days of breastfeeding Alex). And most of them involve a bodily function. I never claimed not to have a dirty sense of humor, and I see that my four-and-three-quarters-year-old son (as we are required to state these days) is similarly amused by scatological humor. Wikipedia seems to be quite the source on toilet humor, should one decide to research such things. Weirdo.

You can follow all of the previous Jake-isms here.


If you need a refresher on what exactly a Jake-ism is, well, it's something funny that Jake says in the course of the day that I quickly record (once I have stopped laughing or removed my palm from my forehead) in the notes section of my BlackBerry, so I will have it as a reference tool for making my blog readers (anyone left out there or have you all gone to Facebook?) laugh hysterically at their desks, and for me to look back on one day.

So here is the latest installment of the Jake-isms, complete with out-takes from a session I took of the two of them over the summer. I would give you an Alex-ism, but they mainly consist of "da-da-da" the Bronx cheer. Although I did have to tell her the other day: "Icky! We do NOT eat our brother's toenails!", which is a sentence one never expects they will have to speak.

Without further ado, I present Jake-isms Volume 4:


Jake, in his sleep, 5:33 am: "I don't like it! NO I DON'T LIKE BLUEBERRIES!!"

* * * *

Jake, yelling at 6:30 am (two hours before normal wake-up time): "Mommy! Mom!"
Me: "Yes honey?"
Jake: "Mom, I want to ride a horse!"
Me: "Okay...?"
Jake: "Mom, I want to go to sleep."
Me: "Okay."
Jake: Zzzzzzz



Our own little Benjamin Button enjoys telling us about his previous grown-up adventures:
Jake: "Mom, when I was 14, I went to Europe and bought you a Sari."
Me: "That was very sweet of you honey! I think Saris are usually found in India though."
Jake: "I went there too."



Jake, yelling at me from the bathroom while he tries to argue his way out of pooping on the potty: "I wanna go to bed! Pee-pee says I have to go to bed! He says the rules! He's the boss!"

* * * *

Jake, in response to Yo Gabba Gabba (kid's TV show) asking what a kid's favorite thing is:
"My favorite thing is putting my hands in my pants!"



While trying to trim his toenails, he always fights me:
Jake: "You can't look at my toes!"
Me: "I can look at your toes, I made them."
Jake: "No, God made me."
Me: "Okay true, but I grew you. Now gimmie those toes."

* * * *

What to say when someone coughs, according to Jake: "Good cough you!" (As opposed to 'God Bless You' when you sneeze, I guess?)


Jake is rolling out Play-Doh logs, when he says, "Mommy, what color is poop?" (So I guess those aren't gray worms he's making?)


Jake at breakfast: "Mom, I love your butt and your belly. I love private parts." (Which is preferable to the day recently when he informed me that my butt is big. Thanks kid.)

* * * *

Jake, who does a lot of role-playing and we sometimes get confused as to which character he is at the moment: "I'm not Spiderman. I'm just Jake that poops in his pants."



Jake is quite the brainiac. In fact, when we were in for parent teacher conference recently, the teachers let us know that Jake informed them he was smarter than his Daddy.

* * * *

We're looking at a dinosaur book in bookstore. I identify the ones I can, but get to one that stumps me. Jake lets me know it's a "Chomp-o-saurus".


Ralph, giving Jake a bath: "Okay Jake, wash your pee-pee parts."
Jake: "They're called testicles, Daddy."

* * * *

Jake: "Mommy, tell me the story of when I was born."
Me: "Okay, once upon a time there was a tiny baby boy growing inside mommy's belly, and--"
Jake: "You mean in your uterus?"



Jake: "What kind of bear are you, Mommy?"
Me: "Um, I guess I'm a polar bear. What kind of bear are you?"
Jake: "I'm a kidney stone bear."
Me: "Uhhh...okay."



Jake: "I want to be a girl so I can make milk too."

* * * *

Jake: "Mommy, I'm having pain in my breast. I need breast medicine."



I decide to make a CD on my computer of all Jake's favorite songs. I tell him the CD is burning and will be ready soon. A few minutes later, he asks, "Is the CD done baking?"

* * * *

Me: "Jake, do you know what the word 'Appreciate' means?"
Jake: "Yup, it means 'Hi!' in Italian."



Jake asks: "Where does cheese come from?"
I explain to him how cheese is made from milk, which comes from cows.
"No it doesn't," he says, "cheese comes from cheese trees!"



Jake and I are in the laundromat, washing & drying a bedspread that's too large to wash at home. Jake is having a great time exploring the place and says: "Oh my Lord! What IS this?!"

* * * *

Jake: "Mommy, let's go camping together! Daddy should stay home."



Before Alex was born:
Ralph to Jake: "So if you have a little sister, what does that make you?"
Jake: "Sad."
(The answer we were looking for was "big brother", but this was a heck of a lot funnier)


Jake, as we were getting dressed: "Look at my butt!"
Me: "Yes, it's very cute."
Jake: "And it makes funny noises!"

* * * *

Jake, loudly in Panera: "Mommy, you drink the water, and it goes in your belly and then it makes PEEEE!"


Hope you all enjoyed this most recent version of Jake-isms, hopefully my Blackberry will be full of notes again before long. I always enjoy sharing these. :)