Jake-isms, Volume 4

I'm shocked to see how long it's been since I've posted a "Jake-ism". August of 2009 to be exact. But reading over the Jake-isms Volume 4 notes in my Blackberry, I can see that some of the topics seem to be a very long time ago (many involve the struggles of potty training, preparing Jake for the birth of his baby sister, and the days of breastfeeding Alex). And most of them involve a bodily function. I never claimed not to have a dirty sense of humor, and I see that my four-and-three-quarters-year-old son (as we are required to state these days) is similarly amused by scatological humor. Wikipedia seems to be quite the source on toilet humor, should one decide to research such things. Weirdo.

You can follow all of the previous Jake-isms here.


If you need a refresher on what exactly a Jake-ism is, well, it's something funny that Jake says in the course of the day that I quickly record (once I have stopped laughing or removed my palm from my forehead) in the notes section of my BlackBerry, so I will have it as a reference tool for making my blog readers (anyone left out there or have you all gone to Facebook?) laugh hysterically at their desks, and for me to look back on one day.

So here is the latest installment of the Jake-isms, complete with out-takes from a session I took of the two of them over the summer. I would give you an Alex-ism, but they mainly consist of "da-da-da" the Bronx cheer. Although I did have to tell her the other day: "Icky! We do NOT eat our brother's toenails!", which is a sentence one never expects they will have to speak.

Without further ado, I present Jake-isms Volume 4:


Jake, in his sleep, 5:33 am: "I don't like it! NO I DON'T LIKE BLUEBERRIES!!"

* * * *

Jake, yelling at 6:30 am (two hours before normal wake-up time): "Mommy! Mom!"
Me: "Yes honey?"
Jake: "Mom, I want to ride a horse!"
Me: "Okay...?"
Jake: "Mom, I want to go to sleep."
Me: "Okay."
Jake: Zzzzzzz



Our own little Benjamin Button enjoys telling us about his previous grown-up adventures:
Jake: "Mom, when I was 14, I went to Europe and bought you a Sari."
Me: "That was very sweet of you honey! I think Saris are usually found in India though."
Jake: "I went there too."



Jake, yelling at me from the bathroom while he tries to argue his way out of pooping on the potty: "I wanna go to bed! Pee-pee says I have to go to bed! He says the rules! He's the boss!"

* * * *

Jake, in response to Yo Gabba Gabba (kid's TV show) asking what a kid's favorite thing is:
"My favorite thing is putting my hands in my pants!"



While trying to trim his toenails, he always fights me:
Jake: "You can't look at my toes!"
Me: "I can look at your toes, I made them."
Jake: "No, God made me."
Me: "Okay true, but I grew you. Now gimmie those toes."

* * * *

What to say when someone coughs, according to Jake: "Good cough you!" (As opposed to 'God Bless You' when you sneeze, I guess?)


Jake is rolling out Play-Doh logs, when he says, "Mommy, what color is poop?" (So I guess those aren't gray worms he's making?)


Jake at breakfast: "Mom, I love your butt and your belly. I love private parts." (Which is preferable to the day recently when he informed me that my butt is big. Thanks kid.)

* * * *

Jake, who does a lot of role-playing and we sometimes get confused as to which character he is at the moment: "I'm not Spiderman. I'm just Jake that poops in his pants."



Jake is quite the brainiac. In fact, when we were in for parent teacher conference recently, the teachers let us know that Jake informed them he was smarter than his Daddy.

* * * *

We're looking at a dinosaur book in bookstore. I identify the ones I can, but get to one that stumps me. Jake lets me know it's a "Chomp-o-saurus".


Ralph, giving Jake a bath: "Okay Jake, wash your pee-pee parts."
Jake: "They're called testicles, Daddy."

* * * *

Jake: "Mommy, tell me the story of when I was born."
Me: "Okay, once upon a time there was a tiny baby boy growing inside mommy's belly, and--"
Jake: "You mean in your uterus?"



Jake: "What kind of bear are you, Mommy?"
Me: "Um, I guess I'm a polar bear. What kind of bear are you?"
Jake: "I'm a kidney stone bear."
Me: "Uhhh...okay."



Jake: "I want to be a girl so I can make milk too."

* * * *

Jake: "Mommy, I'm having pain in my breast. I need breast medicine."



I decide to make a CD on my computer of all Jake's favorite songs. I tell him the CD is burning and will be ready soon. A few minutes later, he asks, "Is the CD done baking?"

* * * *

Me: "Jake, do you know what the word 'Appreciate' means?"
Jake: "Yup, it means 'Hi!' in Italian."



Jake asks: "Where does cheese come from?"
I explain to him how cheese is made from milk, which comes from cows.
"No it doesn't," he says, "cheese comes from cheese trees!"



Jake and I are in the laundromat, washing & drying a bedspread that's too large to wash at home. Jake is having a great time exploring the place and says: "Oh my Lord! What IS this?!"

* * * *

Jake: "Mommy, let's go camping together! Daddy should stay home."



Before Alex was born:
Ralph to Jake: "So if you have a little sister, what does that make you?"
Jake: "Sad."
(The answer we were looking for was "big brother", but this was a heck of a lot funnier)


Jake, as we were getting dressed: "Look at my butt!"
Me: "Yes, it's very cute."
Jake: "And it makes funny noises!"

* * * *

Jake, loudly in Panera: "Mommy, you drink the water, and it goes in your belly and then it makes PEEEE!"


Hope you all enjoyed this most recent version of Jake-isms, hopefully my Blackberry will be full of notes again before long. I always enjoy sharing these. :)

More Christmas Pictures

From our official Christmas card photo shoot. It was FREEZING! These poor kids are sitting on a slab of frozen slate, surrounded by snow, at sundown. It was the fastest session I ever did!

Jake, four and a half years old


Alex, 10 months old


And the final shot of the two of them for the card:

Merry Christmas!

I've been a little late this year. Late to send out my Christmas cards, late to post on the blog, late to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. There were grand plans of blog posts with all of the Christmas pictures that didn't make it on the official card, grand plans of printing the kid's Christmas pictures and putting them in frames for the grandparents. Instead, there was a lot of last-minute running around, shopping on Christmas Eve for those last few gifts, and rushing to get client orders shipped overnight to arrive before Christmas morning. In addition, every day since the last blog post, at least one member of our family (and some days all of us) has been sick. It was a crazy hectic season, and not what I was planning for my daughter's very first Christmas.

The kids, during one of their many visits with Santa:


But after all the shopping and the driving and the planning and the wrapping and the packing and the music and the decorating and the late nights, it was magical and beautiful and spent with family, just the way Christmas should be.

I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas 2010, and I'm happy to be EARLY to wish you a Happy New Year!

Jake with the funniest guy on earth

We returned from our Thanksgiving vacation with Ralph's side of the family (more to come when I get time to upload photos), but not before having a celebrity run-in. Tracy Morgan, known to my brother Danny and I as the funniest freaking guy on earth, was a few people ahead of us in the security line at the airport in Punta Cana. When we got thru security, I saw him by himself leaning against a wall and went up and told him how much I liked his work and asked if he wouldn't mind taking a picture with my son. He was very cool and mellow (not in character at all) and allowed us to take the photo. I thanked him and went on my way, because I'm sure he didn't want a ton of people coming up and bothering him. I was on cloud 9, which was much better than the stomach bug that kept me in bed for 36 hours, including the entirety of Thanksgiving Day (boo)!

If you don't know Tracy Morgan (shame on you!), here's a family-friendly clip of him as "Brian Fellows", and another as Dr. Maya Angelou.

Just found this clip of Tracy Morgan on Jay Leno wearing the same necklace! He is soooo funny!

The many faces of Ali

These were taken close to a month ago, when Alex was almost 8 months. Now she is almost 9 months and has come so far, grown so much, and learned so many new things! We are so proud of all of her accomplishments - clapping hands, standing up, crawling like a champ.

Here are a few funny pictures from a session I did with her one day while Jake was at school. I put her in a cute pink tu-tu and went up in our playroom (which I still have yet to post complete before & after pictures of). Ali wanted no part of having her picture taken, and instead made funny faces, drooled a lot, crawled around and put everything in her mouth. Pretty much a standard day around here...


Tu-tu toes

Making funny faces (she's much less serious than I thought she was going to be!)


Fake crying (she has the same theatrical personality as her big brother)


Sucking on one of her lips


Putting something in her mouth.


About to crawl away from the camera...


Putting something in her mouth (again!)

Pre-school Halloween Party

Last weekend was pretty much a blur. After driving up to Boston (5 hour drive), shooting a wedding (9 hour workday), and then driving back home (4 hour drive) all in a span of about 24 hours, I came home to not one, but TWO parties for Jake on Sunday. The first party was for our neighbor Gabriella's 5th birthday, the next was Jake's Halloween party at his new preschool. Which, by the way, I LOVE. It's a really great place, filled with kind and caring teachers, nice students, and friendly parents. It was a surprise last-minute change (his old pre-school closed in May, after 30 years in business, and gave us almost no notice to find another school!), but it has been a wonderful place for Jake so far.

Here are some pictures of all four of us enjoying the festivities, along with a few new friends:

Bob the Builder



I finally see a resemblance! ;)

Ali the happy bee

DJ Lance (if you watch Nick Jr, you already know this guy from Yo Gabba Gabba), I cracked up at how fun and festive this dad was!



Her mouth is her constant source of entertainment these days

Jake and his doppelganger, Jack ;)


Fearless climber (that's new!)
He lists one of his favorites foods as broccoli? Are you kidding me??

He has no self-restraint. Lol

After Jake got so many temporary tattoos, we figured it was Ali's turn




Going back for more. He ended up with like, 7 tattoos. Oye!



Sitting with his buddy Jack and his sister Ava, for storytime.

My famous husband :)

photo by Andrew Sullivan for the New York Times

I usually post something on our anniversary about how lucky I am to have married Ralph (6 years ago!), and what a fantastic husband he is. Well, this year I spent our anniversary photographing a wedding in Boston (my last of the 2010 season) and wasn't able to post on our actual anniversary. (But if I had the time, I would have posted about how lucky I am to have married Ralph, and what a fantastic husband he is, FYI.)

And Ralph was pretty busy on our anniversary too. Here he is in the Saturday edition of a little newspaper you might have heard of... The New York Times! Ralph gives baseball lessons on weekends to some high school kids in the area, and one of his students happens to be the son of a The New York Times reporter. He and my brother-in-law Chris were not only interviewed for the paper, but also had a The New York Times photographer show up to one of their lessons to snap a few pictures. I am so proud that Ralph shares his time, talent, and knowledge to others. Baseball has always been one of his passions, and I love that he is able to share that passion. Here is the article and picture: